Last week was the most intense week I’ve had in Egypt so far. The whole journey felt like a powerful initiation into something far bigger than I can see right now but I’m certain that one day I will look back and say, here, this, this here is where it all started.
Every single thread of the week, from the temples to the leaky tap was part of an unfolding process. Challenges set out for us by the Neters, who measure our hearts against the humble feather.
How did we fare? In what spirit did we face the energies of nature? Where were we in consciousness when confronted with things that reflect back the shadows in our own minds? These are the questions the seeker asks when journeying through this ancient land – when on any spiritual journey. Our lessons aren’t solely in the big ah-ha moments in ceremony but arrive on the wings of a humble bird pecking at the window during breakfast.
It is not sufficient to simply enter a temple and expect something profound to happen just like that, this isn’t Disneyland, they don’t perform on demand, they’ll choose how and when to work with you. When I first met Sekhmet, I could feel the waves of energy coming from her but I didn’t have any profound revelations, except a tear-filled gratitude for being there. It was after that she came to me, unexpectedly and powerfully, to do the work we needed to do.
The work isn’t contained to the box that is the temple, it is everywhere. The temples are powerful as they are magnifiers and activators of energies that are part of you but the work doesn’t end when you leave the temple. Everything is asking for you to look at who you are in essence and to see that everything around you is a reflection of your inner world. Everything is part of the process.
It’s not like a church on Sunday scenario, where you touch the divine and then you go back to your daily life after. This work asks of you to be present with everything. To acknowledge the sentience of all life around you. That all things, even the broken shower curtain, are the eyes of the creator looking back at itself, the exterior reflecting the interior.
And it’s not just in the temples where you receive, activate or have “experiences”, in fact, it is the land, air and water that are the most powerful. Never underestimate the power of nature spirits. They are watching your every move.
Do you think it is coincidence that your sleep will be disturbed when you first approach the mountain on the west bank of the Nile in Luxor? Do you think you can be in it’s presence and not feel disturbed for a time? It is such a powerful being that of course you will be impacted. The mountain isn’t just inanimate rocks, it is part of a multi-dimensional, sentient being that expresses itself in multiple ways. Look to your body for an analogy. All life is telling us who we are, all the time, if we have the eyes to see and the ears to hear.
Even the flowers are reading you as you walk by, sharing information so the world can take shape in the way you need. Not how you want but how you need. Trust in the intelligence of life. It is, after all, your higher self. Our higher Self.
For those of you who don’t know, last week we went on a tour of the temples around Luxor including Abydos and the Osirion to the north (mind and heart blown). We were a group of ten, with us four Crooks, a couple from the US, a friend from Lebanon and three friends from France, led by Hakim and Mohamed, who is from Luxor and somewhat of a local celebrity.
Each person in the group brought a lot of energy and power with them as we held each other’s intentions and supported each other in our processes throughout the week – and boy, was it exhausting!
We crammed so much into such a short space of time and were literally burning up with Sekhmet fire, channelling some powerful energies. Couple that with the recent solar flares and I now feel like a gooey, jelly-mush-mess.
Well, not really a mess. I’m perfectly happy to be floppy for a while and recharge. These things don’t last forever, so why resist the experience? Relish in the floppy, give it your full attention and it will pass.
I’m reminded suddenly of a conversation with fire many years ago.
“Humans have all these rules and traditions because they are afraid that without them there will be chaos but how can there be? When you are present and aware of where your attention is lying, there can only be order. A wondrous, cosmic order,” said fire.
Too true. Some people think that if you are present in the moment, you become passive and don’t act, or you make no moves towards ensuring your future, blissing out in the moment, but this is categorically untrue. You may for a while because you have been resisting that experience but it will pass and your attention will begin demanding new experiences.
When I talk of presence and awareness, I’m talking about when you are aligned with the observer part of you, that part of you that is watching your experience, not lost in it. The more you can focus in on this aspect, the more aligned you become, the more in a state of heightened awareness you stay. The hard part is trusting where the eye is gazing, where your attention is going but trust is something that grows over time and through experience. Give yourself a break.
Something else comes to mind. During the eclipse on the 2nd October, one of the group wanted to hold a meditation where we visualise the peaceful world we would like to see manifest. I closed my eyes and slipped into a deeper state, feeling into the energies in the field and suddenly I heard the question, “yes, but can you be at peace with the world as it is?”
“That’s some question,” I replied, and instantly felt a small part of myself recoil at the idea of not feeling outraged at the state of the world.
Could I do it? Can I find peace with the world as it is? To look at it and see its purpose in the grand scheme of things and love all these parts of Self that formed this experience, knowing full well that all things come to pass when we find peace with them.
Because that is the secret. The more you deny, fight or resist something the more the pull towards it intensifies. This pattern is replicated in numerous ways and is a pattern most of us are quite familiar with. The greater the resistance the greater the pull becomes to that which you are resisting. You can’t ignore it because that is the same as resisting, so your only option is to surrender and find peace with it. Find peace with being devoured. Stop running away from the monster. And instead, find the courage to look it in the eye. You will be amazed how rapidly your attention will move on and the situation transformed.
The same can be said for the larger pattern. As soon as we find peace with the world as it is, the sooner our attention, the great eye, will move on to a different experience.
Being at peace doesn’t mean you don’t act. That again is a misconception. It means you are acting from a centred, focused place of awareness, which, let’s face it, is far more effective than reacting from a construction of your mind. A question arises from this, are you too attached to your position to tangle with acceptance?
To come to Egypt on a quest with me is not a typical tour where you receive lots of teachings about the history and have a typical touristy experience – laced with booze. Hakim certainly shares his knowledge and wisdom of the sites and the energies we are encountering, but the whole trip becomes part of the experience, a deeply spiritual one entangled with the material.
It is a quest to get out of your mind and into your heart, where you can move in a high level of awareness at all times. To walk with the Neters. To dance with the Nile in her spirit form. To feel the power of Seth at your back. This is what we offer.
Within the chapels of the temple of Seti I in Abydos, I continued my practice of humming, as I find that the frequencies of my own voice opens up channels of energy in a powerful way. Suddenly, I felt called to also dance and move with the energies flowing through and around me.
This was a new experience for me as up until now, I am usually rooted to the spot in the temples and can barely move, only hum and breathe. So, I slowly moved, my arms flowing over each other, skin brushing gently, revelling in the ecstasy of touch. My body followed naturally, slowly, with gentleness and purpose as I dove into the feeling of bliss.
“This is what you must teach. The Temple Arts. To hum, sing and dance. To listen and to observe,” came my inner voice.
And suddenly so many threads of my life came into sharp relief.
My training and experience in theatre exercises that teach focus, spatial and group awareness. That teach us to cultivate our sensitivity to the space and people within it. That teach us how to use voice and how to channel emotions through sound.
I was reminded of my dance experience, the years of exploring and discovering my body through movement. Of learning to channel the feeling through my body into the space around me. Of discovering the depths of trust I can reach with those close to me.
I saw all the years of medicine work and shamanic practices that allowed me to feel and experience other dimensions of experience, all imprinted in my cells, all ready to resonate when triggered.
They all came together in a dazzling swirl, like ice glittering in the sun.
“This is what you need to teach. Teach them the Temple Arts, bring it into your retreats, so they can maximise their experience in these places. Only with practice can people feel comfortable enough to try.”
Okey dokey.
I can see how people need the practice. I can see how nervous people are when humming or dancing. What note do I pick? How loud do I go? Should I be changing notes and making a melody? Will I look silly if I move my arms about? The only way to answer these questions is through instruction, guidance and practice.
I don’t want to teach choreography or songs but rather give you exercises that allow for you to find your own intuitive movement and sound. To be able to feel into a space and let it move you. To open your mouth and trust the sound that emerges, always sensitive to the energy fields around you (space, people, other beings).
I already have two retreats lining up for next year here. One in April and one in October (the latter will include plant medicines, a marriage of the Amazon and the Desert). And I know more will follow. AND I feel emboldened to bring my 25+ years of experience into the work, something I wasn’t expecting as I have always resisted the role of teacher, even though it has literally been my job in the past.
Life is rich and far more wondrous than we think. I am always in awe with the way threads come together and patterns reveal themselves.
Something happened in the Osirion but I don’t quite know what. My mind hasn’t caught up yet. Poor thing.
The Osirion is mysterious and quite possibly tens of thousands of years old. It certainly feels like part of the old world – and when I say old world, I mean “Atlantis” old, pre-younger Dryas event old.
We entered down a wooden staircase into the main chamber that is now exposed to the sky but was, once upon a time, covered in megalithic blocks of stone to form a ceiling. Stone walkways crisscross around pools of mysterious water rumoured to have healing qualities.
I could see in my inner vision, a time when the place was dark, lit up by a strange greenish-blue light that I don’t know the source of. We would walk across the water to the chambers on either side or drop down into the water to lower levels, parting the water like curtains to reach the airlocked chambers below. Then the vision faded as the pigeons that nest in the rocks around the site flew over my head.
Opposite the old tunnel entrance, there is a long room, like a long barrow but made from massive blocks of smoothly cut stone. We started in there, the gravely sand crunching under our feet as each of us found our way in the dark to where it felt right. I migrated to the far-right corner as if pulled by some magnetic force.
My feet found my spot and rooted me into the ground. I wouldn’t have been able to move even if I wanted to. Energy rushed through me like a thundering river and all around me I could see these patterns, like spirals glittering in the air, moving in shifting shapes through and around me. It was quite beautiful.
I seemed to stay rooted in that for some time. Others began to leave and I would think, maybe I should go outside? But I would go to take a step and find my feet still stuck.
Ok, not yet then, I’ll just stay here a bit longer.
And so it went for some time until I was one of the last left in the room. Finally, I was released, with an urging desire to be with the water.
I went outside into the main part of the Osirion where the stone walkways cut between the bodies of green water. At one point in time the water ran clearly, fed by underground springs, but over time they have filled up with sand and debris and now the water is almost all stagnant and vibrantly green.
Dozens of pigeons nesting in holes in the rocks litter the surface of the water with feathers and shit. It’s not the most appealing sight but this water is known for its mysterious qualities and healing powers. Beyond that I could feel it calling me while I was rooted in the chamber and I can’t not respond to a call from water!
I went to the pool on the left, a long one near the entrance stairs and settled down on the edge with my feet gently skimming the grubby surface. Somehow, the dirt didn’t matter to me. I registered it but all I could think about, all I could see was the magnificence of this water.
Song erupted from within me. How could I not sing of her beauty? How could I not gift her my love through song? She who is so generous with all life. I sang and gently touched my toe to the surface sending ripples out across the pool. And something amazing happened. The water began to respond.
New ripples began coming from other points in the pool, creating this almost excited pattern, chattering across the surface. The dirt began to disappear and I could see little creatures darting about in the depths.
I don’t know how long I sat there, time had no meaning in that place but by the time my mum came and joined me the water was clear and talking back to us as we praised its beauty. Even after we stood up and joined the others in a circle for a ritual led by Hakim, the water still chattered, rippling across its body, as if overjoyed with our recognition. What a gift.
Like I said, somehow, I am changed from my time in there. I can feel a difference but I don’t quite know what it is yet. My greatest gift from this week, however, was undeniably the gift of belonging. When initiating this week’s work, I had quite a profound experience, a powerful merging with the sybil of Siwa. This is a whole story on its own to be told in full at some point but for now, I will say that I involuntarily embodied her and brought all that she is to the Nile valley for this week. I wasn’t looking for the experience, it happened unexpectedly and is part of my work with Lillith/Lamia and the dragon. And because of this work I was gifted the feeling and the knowing that I am home and that is such a precious gift for me.
For years I have been searching for a place where I feel I belong and within the first day of the retreat I noticed that all those swirling doubts, uncertainties and heartache were gone. I can’t explain how or why but I knew with absolute certainty that I was home and that this (for now) is where I belong.
Thank you.
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