It’s been over a week since we’ve been back and only now am I feeling like I am more here and less in Egypt - wild, free, unpredictable, magical Egypt. Hovering just behind my physical reality has been another layer of experience made up of memories, recent, ancient and future, all just as real as the solid world at my fingertips. I can feel the waves of hot air rolling off the desert gently brushing my skin. The feel of it moving over my lips, as the heavy heat makes me swoon. My heart swells with what I can only describe as love. I am being enveloped in love. And it feels welcome. Like cool rain on hot earth; there is that moment of shock which soon gives way to an unexpected joy and pleasure. I haven’t felt love like that for a long time.
It's a curious thing how somewhere so perfect on paper; wild, open spaces, lots of water, fertile soil, alternative communities, homegrown food, community spirit, such as we have here in France, can feel so deeply wrong for me. Yet, the chaos, pollution and significant cultural differences of Egypt feels so right. How can that be so? How can I feel more comfortable on a dusty rug on the desert floor drinking sweet tea made over a fire in a crusty tea pot, than a cozy English living room? How can my soul yearn so much for a place? A place I barely know. And yet, so it is.
Needless to say, we had an amazing journey in Egypt. It was so different to what I was expecting. Powerful, yet gentle. Serious and deep but with a good dose of side-cracking hilarity. I am deeply grateful to have been able to go on such an adventure with my mum. To take the time to really see each other, and in doing so, see ourselves. What an honour to be her daughter. To witness her openness and friendliness with everyone. The limitless light that shines from her eyes when she meets anyone. I see her grandmother (my Bivó) in her in those moments. She carries much of her spirit, this enormous enthusiasm for life. It seems she was with us on this journey as well as my grandmother (my mum’s mum), who wove her presence in and out of my awareness during the trip.
I can’t even begin to tell you what happened in that mystery-filled land, for my mind can’t fully comprehend the wealth of information that was felt. Of other lifetimes long before the dynasties rose. Of great gifts bestowed by the goddess, gifts of power and gifts of purification. Of the primordial waters, the earthly source of life. Of powerful initiations with the mountains, full-on psychedelic trips without any substances.
I’m still processing.
Hanging on to the shadows of memory. That I may stay just a moment longer amongst my beloved ghosts; my fingers being slowly prised off one by one, as they drift away like mist in the morning sun.
Comments